feelings

Feelings... it's seems that there are as many feelings as there are stars.

I'm tired and I'm not sure I can make it. I have to though. I have to.

What if I've changed? What if she has changed?
It always works out in the movies, right? Maybe this will be the same.

I'm going to take a nap. I have a lot of riding ahead of me.

...glances up at the stars...

At least I know she is looking at the same stars.

Forever

This isn't the way it was supposed to be.
As he rode his anger started to rise.
Wait forever. What is forever? Forever for who? To him forever felt like it was until he was dead and then some but he wondered what forever meant to her. It seemed like for her forever meant just until she'd had enough. She'd already sucked him dry. She'd promised him the world and then she'd left but still he'd promised to always wait. Why? What was it about her that made him promise that in the first place? Why her over all others?
The thoughts raced through his mind and he raced beside the shore and he clenched his teeth so tightly that his jaw began to hurt.
He rolled his eyes as he thought about the letter. It had said she was ready for him. So then forever meant about 10 years or so to her? Great. What had happened to make her decide to change her mind and want him to come back and why on earth was he throwing everything away again, this time for her and not with her. Sure she had been a comfort to him and she knew what had happened to him but that was a long time ago and he'd moved on. He had learnt to live with the nightmares that plagued him everyday and to accept that his life was what he made of it.
She had left him deflated and it had taken a long time for him to accept that she had gone. He knew that when he saw her it wasn't going to be the same as before. Those days were long gone.
Foot up, foot down - he headed to South Point.

Thoughts... (too many)

Oh no.
I hope he arrives soon.
I sent the note like we said.
I hope he hasn't forgot about our pact...

He is all that I think about. It sounds silly, but he is my salvation. With him, all is right in the world.
These 11 years have gone by so quickly. I told him to wait, but that was too selfish of a request. I know he has moved on. I hope he is happy. But could he be happier?

I know I could be happier.


Why does it take 11 years to change this? I hope he is still the one that I've wanted...

The Usual.

That morning had started like any other. Nothing special. The usual. He'd woken up next to the same face he'd been waking up next to for the majority of the past 10 years but something was different. She looked different, There was something that felt off.  Was it all in his head? He wasn't sure but the letter he'd received  last night certainly hadn't helped.

It was from her. It had been a while since he'd opened one of the letters addressed to his real name but he always knew that they were from her as she was the only one who called him that. She knew him by the name his mother had given him and not just the name that his uncle had called him since he had taken him in all those years ago. The very thought of the man who had caused so much pain sent a shudder down his left side. He had left him a letter trying to explain what was going on but he knew that there was no way he was going to accept the choice he had made. A choice made to leave that morning but one that had been many years in the making.

"Wait for me", she'd said but he hadn't. He'd moved on. He kept living his life. From time to time he remembered the the pact he'd made to her 11 years ago . He had  never stopped loving her even though to others it was like she had never existed. How quickly people forget.   So there he was, riding his bicycle in the icy chill of winter. South Point was a long way away but he didn't care. He regretted what he'd done to her and it was time to make it up to her, over and over again.

The Right Choice

The air was cold and the tips of his ears stung from the wind. He wasn't quite sure how long it would take to get to South Point, but he was willing to take a chance.

It had been about eleven years since she had last seen him, but she never forgot him. Every few years he'd get a letter or a photo in the mail, with no return address, and he was certain it was from her. All of the photos were of places they had talked about or dreamed about spending their "happily forever after" at. And the letters... they were brief, but he could tell it was hers. They weren't handwritten, but looked like from a very old typewriter. The thoughts he knew were hers.

They had made a pact to meet at South Point, if they were both still alive. He was, and by the looks of the letters, so was she. He had his bicycle and a crude map. He was going to be looking in to her eyes by morning.

The path was rough, going from dirt to paved road and to gravel. He was going places he had never been, and he'd be lying if he wasn't afraid.

"Ah!" His hair caught an over hanging branch as he tried to duck under it. Some birds scattered silhouetted by the setting sun. He caught his balance and was back up to speed.

"What am I thinking? This is really too far for someone to travel! What is my uncle going to think? When he awakes and reads my letter he'll be angry. But I love her."

His mind was racing. Thoughts of her and thoughts of his possible punishment. Thoughts of "what if," filled his mind.

He has to be sure.

He has to be making the right choice.